he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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