HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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