Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
