he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize