i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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