Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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