I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
