Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize