I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
