If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
