sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
