"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
