Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
