Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize