he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
