listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
