so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
