I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
