he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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