i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
