i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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