then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
