they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
