Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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