How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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