Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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