i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
