Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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