Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
