How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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