im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Come see our sink grown plant.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
