This is not my ceiling
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
