That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize