She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
