I looked at my own cervix.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize