I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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