she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
