loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just cropdusted the office
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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