Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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