never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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