I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
