He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
