omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
