I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
