dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
