I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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