I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
