Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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