he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
