Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
