So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
