one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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