The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
