How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize