I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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