I am spending my child support on dildos
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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