I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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