The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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