i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize