Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize