ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize